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Small girl…..big mouth….

August 6, 2008

I’ve been kicked out of something for the first time in my life and woah is it a shocker! I know I’m cheeky, probably walk the line of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time more often than I should. I have been known to be blunt but usually, my charm and sweet smile manage to get me by (or so I like to think!). Well not this time. This time, I’ve been given a penalty and this small girl is not happy!

So this is the story……..

I love kickboxing. Ever since I discovering it in Jan 2007, its been all I talk about to my nearest and dearest. It practically became my only fitness regime for a while, beats the hell out of the cross trainer anyday! I got to know the regulars and we became friends. We all liked the instructor Elwyn who was…is…(must be mature about this and take it like a woman!) a nice enough guy. He encouraged us to bond, do things togther keep each other coming to training, go for grading and push ourselves to get better each time. Big, black and scary with a very shiny head, but a genuinely nice guy….outside the class.

In the class he is mean. ‘Pain is good’, ‘no chatting’, ‘if you don’t come enough don’t bother coming’, ‘I wanna see some A-gression’ mean. In the early days while in some uncomfortable stretch you’d have him whispering in your ear..”..I bet you’re wishing you were watching eastenders right now eh?….TOUGH!”. Aside from taking a severe beating and bruising while supposedly under the ‘protection’ of pads, most of us run from Elwyn when it comes to ‘assisted stretching’. Any of you remember my sore fanny stories from travelling? Well Elwyn’s class originally introduced me to the condition.

The worst stretch (and the one that got me kicked out) involves someone placing their feet on the inside of each of your calves and holding on to your wrists. On the count of three, they push your legs apart as far as possible with their legs while pulling you towards them and towards the floor….trust me, it flipping hurts!! So its no wonder that last Tuesday while in this position, with Elwyn in my ear saying (and I quote exactly here)..”does it hurt? good, I like it when it hurts…phwoaar har har” (ok, so I may have added the mad laughter), I whispered-but-possibly-hissed “piss off”. And ofcourse he heard.

Now anyone of you who does a martial art will know the sensei is god. He must not be disrespected and discipline is key etc etc etc, bla bla bla…….see I knew this! So I apologised immediately….a lot! I took his initial punishment of him pulling my ears and nobody except my mother has ever done that to me!!! Nobody! And still I continued to apologise. I rang and texted after the class to apologise. He initially laughed, joked about coming up with a punishment….and two days later he chucks me out.

So here I am, sports bag full of used boxing and protective gear and no club.

Have I learned my lesson? No. It’s Elwyn’s fault. I would have taken punishment, 100 push-ups, sit ups, laps, circuits you name it I would have done it. But to chuck me out is ‘big black man ego’ at work. There I said it. That’s what it is. He’s lost my membership fee and a dedicated student, it would have been more appropriate and more of a deterrent to other students to see me suffer.

Will I learn to keep my gob in check?….maybe….but then, what harm can little old me do? I’m just a small girl after all……

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