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Right girl, wrong time….wrong argument?

August 10, 2008

There is this increasingly validated theory that for men there can be a right girl, but at the wrong time. This is in opposition to women who can allow themselves to appreciate and accept the right man at the wrong time.

It’s worrying, especially because we women are increasingly being given this line by supposedly wonderful modern ‘metro-men’, who go all out to sell you the idea that they are your perfect man and you are their perfect woman……its just that they can’t do it right now.

This is an officially weak argument. (Bet you didn’t realise I was an official huh?..I promoted myself! lol!)

Ok, so before I get ‘man-hating’ hurled at me, this is not a rant against men! I do love you guys, but after hearing another story from another friend about another guy who seems to think its ok to use this argument….well it would be remiss of me not to express my opinion on the matter! And we women need to know when we allow a guy to use this argument against us, we probably should have stepped out long before!

So, I have the top 5 phrases that a man will usually say at the start of the relationship/encounter/situation which increase the probability of this argument:

1. I’m not looking for a serious relationship (ladies don’t even go past first first drink)

2. I’ve just got out of a serious relationship (if he’s still mentioning it on the 3rd date, get out)

3. I’ve never been in a serious relationship (unless he is 23 and under, this spells misery so get out next time he goes to the toilet!)

4. There is a lot going on with me now (defined as “you’re not going to get any attention from me”, so you’ll probably be neglected from day 17. Before then he will be the perfect gentleman when you see him, he just wont call you in between)

5. I’m too busy being/attempting to be a megalomaniac (or words to this affect, what do you think?!)

One or more of these is used very early on, I now realise that its at this stage that you guys are priming women (I bet you think you’re smart huh?!) for the rejection stage which you have actually already decided is coming. And that there is where the problem is. Before a guy meets a girl, he has already decided its the wrong time. Depending on his value system and his available time, he may decide to just mess with girls and dump them, or treat them wonderfully allowing them to fall in love with him, but without ever giving them enough for them to say that he was messing them around before dumping them.

What I want to know is why guys think that they have so much time or so much choice that they can turn down women that they truly believe could be important to them in favour of decisions they made before they met the woman. Are you guys truly finding an abundance of the right woman whenever you want? Or are you relying on the woman you find being available to you when you decide you want her?

Again, I must qualify the above queries. I know there is such a thing as ‘he is just not that into you’ (SATC fans say heeeyyy!), women accept this. We also know that there are times when you just know you can’t afford to let someone go, and whether male or female you fight for it. But it would seem to me and my friends there are more cases where you guys seems to think you can put women on ice and that is a problem.

Well we women are not impressed with this argument guys, it makes you sound weak and it can make a woman question whether or not you are the guy she thought she wanted. We take time to heal, but when we choose to heal, we do so to the best of our abilities. That means that when you decide to come looking for your right woman at your right time, you have become the wrong man at the wrong time.

(Original analogy coming up, i’m quite proud of this one!)
We’re all following our own paths in a shop full of mannequins, choosing sizes, fits, colours, current fashion, classics and so forth. The difference is, there isn’t a layaway system for people. If you find a gem in a shop full of plastic and wood it really doesn’t make much sense to try and leave it on the side, someone else is bound to pick it up. So guys the next time you think about what is the wrong time, you might wanna consider if you’re just being a wuss or if it really is the wrong time, because we women are getting mighty tough on being told how wonderful we are but……..

Some classic lines for the break-up chat (names have been changed but not ages!):

Tom, 32 “I don’t think I know who I am, maybe if we met in a couple of years”….he might have got over his ego

Dick, 28 “It’s not you, its me”…and all the other women he wants to sleep with before marriage

Harry, 35 “We’re a perfect fit, but I can’t give you the attention you want right now”…well at least Harry is honest, but it’s still crap to hear!

Picture courtesy of Kate__ on

11 Comments leave one →
  1. dbthinks permalink
    March 17, 2009 1:10 pm

    Hey.. thx for sharing…hits very close to home too..guess my only question would be “where does the line from being just friends to going out gets crossed in a girl’s mind — endless hanging out, times alone, long chats or what?

  2. LoloBloggs permalink
    March 17, 2009 1:40 pm

    @dbthinks I reckon a girl can cross that line even before the hanging out begins. It’s such a combo of factors….

    …but when I guy realises the line has been crossed (and they often do before they admit it) what does he do about it? And will he regret it?..

  3. naijagirl permalink
    March 17, 2009 1:50 pm

    Hey lolo, nice post and I hear you on the points you raised

    Danny, Girls are complicated and diverse; I used to say girls were simple, but now i know better. to some girls, that line may never be crossed, even if they end up doing things that proves the opposite. In their mind….we are just friends, we are just hanging out

    to some , like lolo said, they crossed the line from the word “go”

  4. dbthinks permalink
    March 17, 2009 2:29 pm

    @LoloBloggs & naijagirl — *Sighs* No wonder solomon said he didn't under the way of a man with a maiden!

  5. LoloBloggs permalink
    March 17, 2009 6:17 pm

    @Naijagirl – thanks for popping over. I agree we girls are more complex than even we realise sometimes!

    @dbthinks – man has been stumped by woman for a reeeeaaaalllllyyyy long time! Something tells me we won’t resolve that one any time soon!

  6. Doog permalink
    July 5, 2014 8:58 pm

    I’ve had this from a girl 3 days ago. Her excuse, we shouldn’t have met it’s not the right time.

    I said, so when is the right time, did I miss it, is it in the future still, or is there never a right time now ?

    She never replied. It’s not just guys who say this.


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