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Lola in the City

September 24, 2008

I made a pact with myself when I was travelling to get out there into the dating scene when I got back home. I figured that pretty much my whole adult life, I hadn’t really dated, relationships had happened and there were gaps in between, but nothing that I could call dating. Did I go on dates with guys? Yes, but they were either pre-vetted because I knew them some other way, and misguidedly or not, I decided to keep dating them into a relationship. Not that there were many mind.

Last year my mother and I spent a long weekend in Paris where she gave me a thorough talking to (one daughter made it over 30 with no husband, the next one must be rescued!). She said in her day (60’s-70s), you dated a few guys, Olu knew about Dapo, both knew about Seyi and by the time James had popped in to pay his respects, word had got back to the others that another player was in the game. The idea was that each guy knew he had to go one better than the other to get the attention of the woman. She wasn’t a player, they were, she was the prize. The problem with our generation is we put all our eggs in one basket at a time. I’m not saying I could follow my mother’s advice, but it sounds nice doesn’t it ladies?! But to make this system work, we’d have to really step back from how we do things now…..i.e. no sex!

My older sister and I were having a giggle about my mother’s advice the other day, she was complaining as I always have that it’s all well and good having multiple interests in a time when the guys regularly come up to you and make their intentions clear, but that doesn’t happen anymore. If you do happen to find yourself in the rare situation of meeting a guy who makes it known he’s interested, you probably won’t meet another for 8 months! After moaning for about an hour, my sister and I decided to take proactive steps and we’re going speed dating! We figure it’s a start…at least there all the guys will know about each other! And if we don’t meet a couple of dateable guys, it will be a laugh at least!

One of the biggest challenges of this whole single woman thing is the innumerous advice you get from everybody and the bus driver about how to catch a man. You have to go clubbing my aunts say, you should go to bars my uncles said, you’ll meet guys on the train my cousin said, they’ll come up to you on the street another said. You should chat them up, just give them your number, call them first, never chat them up, don’t give out your number take theirs, keep them waiting, you have to be out there to meet someone, you have to stop looking to meet someone and who knows whatever else contradictory advice.

It’s actually hilarious the amount of advice and words that people are willing to swear by and things that you always need to start doing, but at the end of the day things will be as they will be. SATC showed us that women probably shouldn’t go mad on the whole ‘I’m just dating’ thing (Samantha is definitely NOT my idol!), but by heck we should really be making the most of it! And I figure if we women are not dating much, you guys can’t be either. Get out there and talk to us, let’s date!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    November 3, 2008 6:36 pm

    I guess that is something my unmarried friends here in North america struggle with…No competition or limited competition. Back in Naija, even if you were not interested in all your suitors, the main players or contenders were put on notice.

  2. LoloBloggs permalink
    November 3, 2008 11:32 pm

    I hear you sooo loudly! Another reason why my family are keen for me to spend more time in Nigeria, apparently they’re lining up! lol!

    The reality of western life is that we black women are on one hell of a back foot when it comes to dating!

  3. Another Time, Another Place... permalink
    May 2, 2009 8:10 pm

    Hmmm… guess we are due an update on your quest.. No?

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